some of the posts I see in single parent groups about dating disgust me.
Besides being a single parent myself, a big part of my work is keeping up with the issues that affect single parents. Therefore, I scroll through related Facebook groups a lot.
First, let me acknowledge that most people are lovely. This post doesn’t represent the majority of single parents in these groups.
That being said, there are a few recurring themes I notice around dating that disturb me.
So, for today’s sarcasm-sprinkled rant, here are four dating rules that should be obvious. If we all adhere to them, we’ll make dating better for ourselves and everyone else.
This is one of the most common complaints I see, and rightfully so.
People often look different in pictures than in real life. While dating, try to choose pictures that most represent what your date will see. I even post no-makeup pics. Then, you’ll end up on dates with people who want to meet YOU, not the imaginary person they thought you were.
It makes sense to show pictures of you looking your best, but keep in mind that dishonesty rubs people the wrong way. If your date sees you in real life and you’re 10 years older or look like a completely different person without the filter, they have every right to be annoyed. No, they’re not being shallow. You’re being manipulative.
Being clear on what you want takes some soul searching. It’s easy to default to what we think we are SUPPOSED to want, instead of what we actually want in the depths of our hearts.
Thankfully, today there are communities and apps to support pretty much anything you desire. So can you let go of the “supposed to”s and let your internal compass point you toward what you really want?
Once you have clarity, share it as soon as possible. Put it in your dating profile. Chat about it before you meet.
Of course, disclose what is appropriate for the stage you’re at. I’m not saying to share your bedroom needs in your first message or state in your dating profile that you want someone who will make babies with you (though there are apps on which both of those things are encouraged if that’s what you want).
I hate seeing posts bashing people who want a no strings attached hookup, or who only want to meet someone who’s looking for marriage.
People have the right to want whatever they want, and to look for people whose desires are compatible. When they’re upfront and honest about it, don’t judge them for it. Thank them for their openness and be honest about whether or not you want the same thing. If we all do this, it will be much easier to find people who are a good fit.
Sometimes, a person is out of line. I get it.
But often I see people bashing their dates for not being the person of their dreams.
“He’s too clingy.”
“She talks too much.”
“He can’t hold a conversation.”
“She chewed with her mouth open.”
No, you’re incompatible. That’s it. They’re not “too” anything. They’re just not right for you. You don’t have to be a jerk about it.
Why not take responsibility for your own preferences?
“I need someone who enjoys giving me more space.”
“I want someone who stimulates me with interesting conversation.”
You get the idea. It’s easy.
Bonus: You’ll be a less toxic person!
In conclusion, if we don’t want the dating pool to be 💩, we have to stop 💩ing in it 😜
Which of these has caused you the most grief?
𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸, 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘺 – 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺.
𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 4 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦. 𝘋𝘔 “Stopped by Nothing” 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘺. ✅
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